i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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