So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
