When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
