The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
