i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
