I accidentally had phone sex last night
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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