I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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