I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
