your thong is hanging out like whoa
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
