dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
