these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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