So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
