If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
