seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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