We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
