all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
