I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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