Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
