Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Terrible idea I love it
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
