all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
