yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
