I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
