I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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