i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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