just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
