You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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