Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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