i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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