According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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