I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
