im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
