The best revenge is premature balding
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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