My nipple is on Facebook.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Slut skills are useful in every country.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
