Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
