Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
