Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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