The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
