Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You took a bar mat shot.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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