Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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