And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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