The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
