Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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