that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
