she woke up with a sticky ear
Only a mothe r could love this liver
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
