you would pick up someone in the library
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
