Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
