I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
