It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Alive.
So much puke
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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