You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
