She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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