Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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