We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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