i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
