bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
