She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
