just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
